November 10, 2001
One of Papa's "birding" friends asked a question which I started to answer and then thought you all might find it interesting, so here it is. The question is about the interpretation of staring. Thanks Susan!
Hmmm, how to answer that one. Well, staring is, I think, very cultural. I would agree that there may be a difference between a stare, and a glance of admiration, but that the difference does not exist in Morocco (and probably doesn't really exist at home anymore either, but that's totally
different). The stares I get from women are curious, and sometimes, from older women, a little hostile. From younger women they're usually very curious, and vaguely appealing, for what though, I don't know. On one of my walks I passed two women and was going to just say hi, but one of them looked desperate for some sort of actually communication, so I stopped and shook hands, but still don't have the language skills to go much beyond that.
The stares from children vary depending on age and gender. The girls are much like the younger to middle aged women (although age is another can of worms here, because people look much, much older than they usually are), curious and sometimes a little excited. The
boys, if they're under ten, are like the girls. My least favorite are the boys from about 10 to 15.
Their stares are challenging and direct, but frequently it seems as though they aren't even sure
why they're staring that way, they just see the older men do it and know they're supposed to imitate. This age group and gender is the scariest here, and I do mean that literally. The only time I've been truly harassed here was when Margie and I were followed by a group of about four 10 year olds and they threw rocks at us until they hit us and I got visibly angry. It's worse, of course, in the towns than it is in the bled because in the bled they don't have the advantage of
anonymity.
The stares of older men are usually like those of younger women, curious, and maybe sometimes even a little appreciative, of what though, I'm not quite sure. Older men in general here are the best of their sex along with small boys. They're more honestly respectful without being demeaning. Young and middle-aged men vary more depending on personality. Some of them are very nice and their stares are probably of a more benign nature. The rest of them though annoy me. I'm afraid I can see myself coming out of this experience with very little respect for, or trust of, men. The rest of the men are curious, certainly, but usually more assertive, too, so that the look says "We only allow you to be in our sphere (i.e. public places, because women really don't go out much here) because you're a foreigner, but you are here at our pleasure and we can revoke your privilege at any time." It has about it a very strong
sense of domination both overt, because the practice of repressing women is very "active" here, and latent, because the domination has been a part of the culture for so long.
It is both easier and harder in the bled. On the one hand men may be a bit more respectful in the bled because women out in public is truly a novelty, so they don't see the challenge in it that men in the cities do. But again, because it is so novel, some of the men seem to feel that much more threatened by our appearance, and so are consequently more hostile in their reactions. As was said all through training; it all depends.
